it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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