um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
