I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
