I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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