apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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