when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
