1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
