You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
