One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize