Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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