This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
