I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
