I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
