Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
