I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
