Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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