He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize