I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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