i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dicks are not precious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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