i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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