A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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