The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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