last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
