FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drake has all the answers
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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