Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
