You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
