My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
