It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize