do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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