...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize