The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
