i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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