What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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