OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
