kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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