I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
