im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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