I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize