Don't you send me to vm
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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