i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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