Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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