D3 body, D1 cock
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
