Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
