she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
