Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize