Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
