My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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