why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
