Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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