I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize