I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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