I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
