don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
