Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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