It's just like the Real World with babies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
