he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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