I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
