His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
