no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
