I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
