Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
