I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
