??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
