i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
