just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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