Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
