how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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