my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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