I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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