Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
