I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
