I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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