how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
