you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize