we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
