So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
