literally had 100 drinks last night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
