I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
