I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
