so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
