My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize