I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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